


Rites of Passage

by wildair7



Series: The T'Pira Chronicles [7]
Category: Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-24
Updated: 2018-05-24
Packaged: 2019-05-13 08:08:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14745107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wildair7/pseuds/wildair7
Summary: James Kirk and Leonard McCoy reflect on their individual secrets concerning the woman Vera Hopton, during her time at the Starfleet Academy.





	Rites of Passage

Rites of Passage

 

 

    Who’d believe a man like Admiral James T. Kirk, commander of the _U.S.S. Enterprise_ and a man known throughout the Federation, as the best or worst womanizer around —depending upon who you asked—would have a secret? But now everyone knew.

     The grapevine on this particular starship was quick and efficient, so within minutes of Vera Hopton’s arrival years ago, the news spread quickly from the Bridge outward that she was, in fact, not only Spock’s cousin, one none had heard of previously, but several more months later the personnel discovered she’d once been married to Admiral Kirk.

     Spock’s previously closely guarded secret of his relationship to the Matriarch of Meldana and former Starfleet Commander, was one which Kirk still uncovered bit by bit, even after Vera’s marriage to the Romulan Tlasus. But that was another story.

     Before now, Kirk doubted his personal secret was known by the crew except a few, namely, Vera, Leonard McCoy and who else? Neither Vera nor Bones would have mentioned that year to anyone. Still, James Kirk found himself thinking of that time, his secret time, and one of the few when he felt needed. And, to be needed by a woman like Vera was quite an honor.

     What had started him thinking of her this time?

     “Probably Spock’s recent return from Meldana,” he mused aloud.

     Meldana. Vulcan no longer existed, only Meldana, an artificially made planet rapidly becoming the birthplace of a highly advanced culture: a combination of the best of the Romulans and the Vulcans—a true brotherhood of two races, once ancient enemies.

     _And that,_ he thought to himself, _is yet another story, one of many with that woman of those many connected with her._ He laughed aloud at the idea. “Guess I shouldn’t call her Vera, anymore,” he said verbally, “seems everyone calls her T’Pira now, except me and Bones. Guess we’re a couple of die-hards.”

     He closed his eyes, thinking of that time…his secret time. Hands clasped behind his head as he laid back against the pillow, in his mind he could see the clear domes of Starfleet Academy, the students’ apartment complexes, see himself, young again, walking down the hallway of one, once more feeling his heart beating frantically, his emotions rising to a peak of concern.

   Before sounding the buzzer of Vera Hopton’s apartment, James Kirk had paused, because through the thickness of the door, he could hear the strains of a Vulcan instrument she called a lythrette and her soft voice in accompaniment, singing a slow, sad ballad. He stood quietly, straining to hear the words.

 

>  
> 
>      “Oh, listen ye women to my story so true.
> 
>      I loved him for years upon end,
> 
>      Wanting him, hoping he’d see me anew,
> 
>      Yet my waiting was fruitless, my wanting in vain,
> 
>      For ne’er did he touch me nor whisper my name.
> 
>  
> 
>      “Then one day he came and begged for my help.
> 
>      His need was so great, his body it ached.
> 
>      He touched me, he loved me, or for so he said.
> 
>      I gave to him all and received all I dreamt.
> 
>      “Now he is gone, no word of farewell,
> 
>      Again, from my life, my heart’s deepest well.
> 
>      The rooms are so empty, the silence so wild,
> 
>      It seems so unreal, yet I carry his child.
> 
>  
> 
>     “So, listen ye women and listen ye well.
> 
>     To love, to obtain are ne’er worth all.
> 
>      For what you receive, for what you may get,
> 
>      You’ll only have memories, a sense of regret.
> 
>  
> 
>      “Caution in loving and guard your heart well,
> 
>      For men feel not as a woman in pain.
> 
>      He’ll love you, embrace you, and whisper your name,
> 
>      Then leave you with naught but this mournful refrain.”

  

     Kirk waited until she finished her plaintive song, realizing, at last, why he hadn’t seen her in so many weeks, then pressed the door signal. A few seconds later, she answered, begging him to enter. Her eyes were red from weeping, but he said nothing, knowing she would be humiliated.

     “I heard you singing, as I came to the door.”

     “Did you hear the words?”

     “No,” he lied. “I wasn’t able to make them out. I thought I’d come by and see if you were all right. After all, it’s been two weeks since you last attended class.”

      “I’ve been ill.” She stopped, sighing. “Oh, what’s the use? If I can’t tell you, who can I tell?”

     He took her arm and guided her to a chair, urging her to sit.

     “Tell me what?”

     She sat next to him and stared ahead. “I did think I was ill, so went to the Academy Clinic this morning, only to learn I was in the best of health…as well as pregnant.”

    “Pregnant?”

     “Yes, these last months I’ve spent my evenings here…but not alone. I had a…guest…a male guest.”

     “And he’s the one responsible for…your condition?”

     “Yes.” She bowed her head without another word of excuse.

     Taking her hands, James Kirk replied, “Vera, we’ve known each other since your freshman year. You know I’ve always held you in special regard. If you’d allow it, I’d like to give your child my name. If you’ll marry me, that is.”

     Vera looked at him, confounded. “Jim, there’s a twenty-five percent probability the child will be Vulcanoid in appearance.”

     “Which means _he_ was half Vulcan.”

     “Yes.”

     “Well, I’ll take that chance, and we’ll marry in town, a term marriage until I graduate.”

     She rose, drawing away from him. “Jim, you are too kind. I’m not deserving of your friendship.”

     “Let me be the judge of that. When’s the baby due?”

     Vera rubbed her forehead, thinking. “I cannot say for certain. About eight months.”

     Kirk’s left the couch and walked a few steps away before turning to stand in front of her, arms spread wide. “Then there’s no reason anyone would think it’s not mine, especially with that seventy-five percent on our side, and the fact people have seen us together more often than not and might assume there’s more to our relationship There’s also the fact, I haven’t been in any others for several months now.”

     Vera sighed again. “All right, Jim. I shall marry you.”

     “Good, we’ll go to town tomorrow afternoon, get the license and be married within a week. I’ll make arrangements for a larger apartment.”

 

     One afternoon, four months later, found them legally wed, the delay due to a heavy schedule of examinations and difficulty in obtaining a license, because Vera was not a legal citizen of Terra. Afterwards, her own apartment and his cleared out, Jim carried their luggage to the door of their new apartment and opened the door for Vera.

     Very quietly, she walked from one part to another, emerging from the second bedroom, a questioning expression in her odd golden eyes which Jim answered with a half-hearted smile.

     “I thought you’d rather sleep alone, this being a marriage of convenience, so to speak. That room’s also large enough for any baby stuff, like the crib and all, later—”

     “Jim,” she said, interrupting him and her voice more serious than ever before, “I’ve made a decision about the child.”

     He regarded her more acutely and could see the stoic determination in her face. “You’re not keeping it, are you?”

     “How can I? How can I care for an infant and concentrate on my classes? More importantly, how can I look upon it day by day, year after year and remember someone I’d rather forget?”

     “I didn’t realize you felt that way. Though, it’s still half you, isn’t it?”

     “But after I graduate, children aren’t allowed aboard starships, and I can’t foist it off on my foster parents, not with their being off-world wherever he’s assigned as an ambassador. Besides, their knowing I bore a child, much less married without their consent, would embarrass them.”

      “Why would they disapprove or be embarrassed?”

      “Because, it’s not the Vulcan way.”

      She crossed the living area and sat on the roomy couch against the far wall, sinking into its cushioned black synth-leather.

     When Jim came and sat beside her, she added, “I also believe the child will be better off with a family who wants a child, instead of with a single parent who can’t afford the time needed for nurturing and raising it properly.”

     “I do see your logic, but I’m here for you, regardless. You know that, right?”

     At his words, she lowered her head and wiped away the moisture threatening her eyes. These last months, this Vulcan-raised young woman had shown increasing emotions beyond her control. The hormones of pregnancy, she offered in excuse, but he thought it more. This recent decision only confirmed the turmoil James Kirk had sensed within her as the weeks passed. And no wonder.

     “Vera,” he said, placing his hands gently on hers, which lay folded in her lap. “Vera, I know you don’t love me, and it doesn’t matter to me what you felt or didn’t feel for ‘him,’ but I don’t think you’re ready for a complete marriage, which is why I requested we have two bedrooms.”

     “I do care for you, Jim, otherwise I would never have agreed to this…arrangement, and I know, too, the depth of your feelings for me more than other women, but…”

     “Maybe in time you can return those feelings and someday, or night, you’ll want me, the same as I want you. Know this, dear wife, I will never force you into a more intimate relationship. You mean too much to me.”

      Her golden eyes gazed honestly up at him. “You are a most remarkable man, James Tiberius Kirk, a compassionate and understanding man, and I shall endeavor, in all ways, to make you happy, except that one.”

      He bent and kissed her lightly on her temptingly moist lips. when they parted, he said, “I’m sure you will.”

 

     Three months later, Vera came to Jim’s room, shaking him awake and calling his name.

     “Jim,” she said, jostling his shoulder, “Jim, the pains have started.”

     “But this is too early. You’re not due for another month.”

     “Yes, but…”

      Full understanding defogging his brain, he jumped out of bed and drew on his trousers while she stood nearby, dressed in one of the loose smocks common to pregnant women and stroking her engorged belly, which to him, seemed big enough to hold twins.

 

     The hospital sector of the Academy Medical Center sat a mere half kilometer from their apartment, and Vera insisted on walking, despite his protests. As Kirk held her elbow, he noticed she seemed less than excited about the event, something he attributed to her lack of emotion for the child. Not once during the pregnancy did she express any wonder or affection for the fetus growing inside her. Perhaps, this was due to knowing she would give it up at birth, or the fact, as she’d said before, she could never love it due to the circumstances regarding its conception. Maybe her attitude would make it easier to surrender it to a deserving couple. Strange, too, was that he also felt nothing for the child, his only concern being that of Vera’s well-being. But, as usual, he kept silent.

     Upon their arrival, two attendants rushed Vera down the hallway to another room, where he watched as they conducted a standard examination, and made certain they were aware Vera wasn’t due for another month. As the exam ended, Kirk noticed the apprehension on the nurse’s face after checking the fetal heartbeat and her immediate action of sticking her head out the door and calling for the doctor on duty.

    When he arrived, a man in his early thirties, dark of hair and of average build, she drew him off to a corner where she spoke in whispers. Afterwards, he came up to Kirk, face stern and light blue eyes otherwise expressionless.

     “You have some special interest here, cadet?”

     “Yes, she’s my…my wife.”

     Kirk and Vera had discussed exactly how he would reveal their relationship. Legally, they were married, but, in a more accurate sense, merely good friends. At last they decided to go the legal route, should a medical decision be needed, and she couldn’t speak for herself.

     The doctor’s facial muscles showed a moment of what Kirk interpreted as doubt.

    “I see,” said the physician after a brief pause. “Nevertheless, you’d best wait outside. I’ll speak with you later.”

     Twenty minutes later, the attending physician emerged from the room and closed the door behind him, preventing the suddenly erect Kirk from seeing, except for brief glimpse, what transpired inside. Approaching Kirk, he motioned him to sit then sat beside him.

     “Does she have any relatives nearby?”

     Kirk shook his head, answering, “None I know of.”

     “You’re not the baby’s father, are you?” The doctor shook his head, preventing Jim’s response. “She told me the father’s off-world.”

    “All you say is true, but as her husband I’ve taken complete responsibility for her and the baby’s welfare.”

     “Are you emotionally involved with her, cadet? Can you…help her if she needs it, be responsible for her after she’s released?”

     “I told you, I—”

     “Yes, yes, I know.”

     “Doctor, what is it? What’s wrong?”

     The other man’s answer was blunt and to the point. “The fetus is dead.”

     Momentarily hiding his face in his hands, Kirk lifted his head to the slightly older man.

     “Does she know?” he asked.

     He shook his head. “We thought it best not to tell her just yet. She’s heavily sedated, and they’re preparing her for delivery. It may be some time without benefit of fetal movement, but I don’t want to resort to surgery unless necessary. She’s going to be in bad enough shape without having to recover from surgery, too. Will you be here or somewhere I can reach you when she regains consciousness?”

     “I’ll be right here. I’ve seen her through this much, and I’m not about to desert her now.”

     “Good boy,” said the doctor, patting his knee, then rose and touched his shoulder. “Coffee machine’s down the hall.”

 

     The ache of fatigue consuming every muscle and sinew of Kirk’s body, he didn’t know how long he’d sat in that bleak but brilliantly lit corridor, waiting for the doctor whose name he never heard, when finally, the man appeared, at the same instant two attendees wheeled Vera’s bed rapidly out of the room and down the hall away from him.

     One hand raised, halting Jim’s questions, the man said, “We need to take her to surgery, after all. Stay here, if you want, but it will be another two or three hours.”

     Exactly two hours and forty-three minutes later, Kirk watched as two different attendants and a nurse escorted Vera’s bed back into the same room as before. Coming up behind them, the doctor came forward to speak to Jim.

     “Everything went well, and she’s just gained consciousness from the anesthesia. Give her a half hour to come fully awake, then you can go in.”

     “Does she know…about the baby?”

     The doctor shook his head. “It’ll be better coming from you.”

     Later, the nurse and attendants seeming satisfied with Vera’s current state, left, and one gave Jim a nod, indicating he could enter. On opening the abnormally silent door, within the room, he was struck by the sight of Vera laying on pale white sheets, whose pallid appearance and ghostly hands resting peacefully atop them matched perfectly.

     Yellow, animal eyes, full of hopelessness, dominated her face, and Jim realized, _She knows_.

     “Vera,” he said, coming to her side and taking her hand and kissing it, “there’s something I have to tell you.”

     Her eyes still held his, so sad, so disheartened, it broke his heart.

     “Vera, he…” Jim could go no further, merely shaking his head to complete the sentence.

     She squeezed his hand and nodded. “I knew weeks ago it would happened. He’s not moved for days, and before the movements were feeble.”

     Kirk put his head next to hers, caressing her dark hair.

     “Jim,” she said, stroking his head, “I want to go home.”

     “As soon as possible.”

     Unaware of anyone else in the room, Kirk startled slightly when the doctor’s voice informed, “She can leave tomorrow morning, cadet. I’ll write you both a medical excuse for missing classes and transmit a script for an antidepressant, sleep med and one for anxiety. Be sure she doesn’t take them together. The antidepressant in the morning, the one for anxiety during the day but not closer to four hours before bedtime and then the sleeping med. And I’d like to see her once a week for counselling.”

     Vera raised up, ready to protest, but the doctor frowned, and she resumed her earlier place.

     “Don’t even think of arguing with me, young lady. No matter what you say, the loss of a baby is stressful, not to mention the effects of the increased hormones flooding your body. I know you’re disappointed for the adoptive parents, but it can’t be helped, and the two of you are better off getting back on schedule. There’s no reason for her to spend more than a day recuperating, and classes will help keep her mind occupied for getting over this quicker.”

     The doctor turned to leave then turned about. “Ten more minutes then get some rest yourself, cadet. This is a hospital, not a hotel. I don’t want her overly tired. Nurse Stetson, see he doesn’t tire her, will you?”

     “Yes, Doctor.”

     The nurse and doctor gone, Jim and Vera were alone, at last.

     “Vera,” Jim began, “I’m not going to terminate our marriage. Not now!”

     “But there’s no reason for it to continue.”

     “There’s every reason in the world. You can pretend all you want and fool others, but you can’t fool me, Vera Hopton. Like the doctor said, you’re deeply hurt by this, more than you’ll ever admit, even to me, and I’m going to stay with you til you’re back to normal.”

    “I never could hide anything from you, could I? Well, there’s five months before your graduation. That should be enough. But I warn you, I’m going to be different from the Vera Hopton you knew before. There are certain emotions the drugs can’t counteract, ones I must release, allow free rein, until my mind is healed.”

     He nodded in agreement but never anticipated the extent of her words, because from the time they returned to their apartment until shortly before he left the Academy, the display of those emotions astonished him. One day she would be depressed, the next almost hysterically energetic, while at other times, she would cry hour upon hour then as suddenly become bubbly and effervescent, despite the medications, which were adjusted upon conferring with her doctor, who continued the weekly therapy sessions.

 

     A month later, Jim awoke in the middle of the night, the room dimly lit from the open curtains of the window overlooking the entire Academy Complex and the multitude of security lighting. Beside the bed, stood Vera, dressed in a flimsy gown of synth-silk and face saddened.

     Seeing, too, her tear-stained cheeks, he asked, “What’s wrong?”

     A quick glance at the chronometer on his bedtable, he said, “It’s three a.m., Vera. What are you doing up? You should be asleep.”

      When she moved to sit on the bed next to him, he scooched over, giving her room and pushed himself to a sitting position, the covers slipping down to reveal his naked torso.

     “I awoke and felt…so alone,” she explained, weeping uncontrollably.

     He took her shoulders. “Vera, you’re not alone. I’m here.”

     She met his troubled eyes, her yellow ones pleading. “But you are so far away, and…must be closer.”

     “I don’t understand.”

     “I no longer desire to sleep alone. If you would…allow me to sleep beside you, perhaps my loneliness will abate.”

     “You want me to make love to you?” he asked, still puzzled.

     “No,” she answered, shaking her sleep-tousled head of long, dark hair. “I only want you to hold me…to comfort me, so I may sleep.”

     “If that’s what you want.”

     He lifted the covers so Vera could join him then, when she moved closer, wrapped his arms protectively about her. Moments later, he looked down upon her face, the long sooty lashes resting peacefully upon her pale cheeks and realized her breathing had submitted to the rhythm of sleep.

     Many nights, afterwards, she would come, until graduation lay just a week away. During those intervening weeks, their relationship progressed to the state of true marriage, but Kirk still doubted her love for him. Not once had she expressed that emotion, even when he spoke the words himself. Days later, he received his orders, effective two days after graduation. His first assignment as a new Lieutenant placed him on the starship _Yorktown,_ which would take him far from his native Earth and the woman he’d grown to love in a unique way.

    

     “Vera,” he called, as he entered their apartment that same day.

     She came from the cooking area, still paler than usual, her face surrendering to the fathomless depths and domination of her unusually colored eyes. The almost irrational emotionalism had passed, and she was, for the most part, her usual controlled self.

     “What is it, Jim? Oh,” she said, softly, seeing the papers in his hand and the pained expression on his face he couldn’t hide. “You’ve received your assignment and soon must leave.”

      “You know what this means?”

     “Yes, the arrangements can be delayed no more. I can take care of it tomorrow.”

     “I feel like I’m deserting you.”

     “Jim,” she said, coming to embrace him, “when there’s foreknowledge of the event, can it be termed desertion?”

      “You aren’t the least upset by my leaving, are you?”

     “We knew it would happen, Jim. We expected this. As a Vulcan, I can’t allow myself to react emotionally to a logical outcome.”

     “But you aren’t Vulcan, damnit!” Kirk continued, backing away. “Has your Vulcan upbringing turned you into something totally inhuman, a machine incapable of love and capable only of functioning as programmed? What a fool I’ve been all this time, devoting every spare minute I had to comforting you during your ‘trial’ and your ‘unfortunate circumstances.’ I don’t know what I expected in return but thought you’d at least feel something for me, some small amount of love, after all we’ve shared.”

     “Jim, I—” she began, but he cut her off and continued.

     “When I think of all the women I could have had and did have before I met you, it makes me sick to my stomach I ended up with an inappreciative machine like you!”

      Vera tried to soothe him, reaching out to touch his arms, but he pulled away.

     “You’re angry because of the assignment,” she said. “Your words are untrue and quite irrational. When you’ve had time to calm yourself, we’ll speak again.”

     Without looking at him, she walked slowly across the room and into her long-unused bedroom, letting the door close without comment behind her, accompanied by the soft click of the lock, literally and figuratively shutting him out, which further infuriated him.

     After dropping to the couch, they often shared in quieter moments as they watched a program on the Tri-Dim, he kicked a nearby table to vent his pent-up anger then buried his head in his hands and began to weep with regret. Minutes later, he departed for where, he knew not. The only rational thought in his mind was he had to get out of there.

     Hours passed before he returned and knocked on the door, unsure what to expect. Would she answer? And, if so, would she shown some hint of emotion or be the cold, rational being he left in her room?

     Despite his misgivings, the door opened, and she stood there, golden eyes showing sadness and regret.

     “Vera,” he said, taking her into his arms and holding her close. “I’m sorry. You were right; I didn’t mean what I said. I was so upset at having to leave you, I needed to explode. Then I had to walk it off. Guess this is the reason the Academy is against student marriages.”

     Nuzzling her head under his chin, she said, “We still have a week. A great deal can be said… and done in a week.”

    He drew her away, and they sat on the couch. “I really know so little about you, baby. We’ve never even talked about your past…your parents or your foster parents. Do you have any relatives here on Earth?”

     “Amanda says, no, and says she’s my only living relative.”

     “Amanda’s your foster mother, right?”

     “She is.”

     “How many were in your family?”

     “Three, besides myself. Amanda, her Vulcan husband, Sarek, and their son, Spock.”

     “How old was this son?”

     “Quite older than me. Thirteen standard years or so.”

     “It must have been terribly lonely for you, with no one near your own age to speak to.”

     With a faint smile, she answered, “Not really. Spock was…a frequent companion. In fact, he taught me nearly all I now know, although he left when I was six.”

     “That Vulcan name of yours. T’Pira, isn’t it? Does it have any particular meaning?”

      Her eyes grew wistful. “She who was born to suffer. They picked it because my mother died shortly after my birth.”

     “And your human name. How did you choose it?”

     “Hopton is the surname of Amanda’s mother, and Vera the only Human name which sounded like my own that I liked.”

     Kirk stroked her soft cheek. “You know, I really do hate leaving you so soon. You’ll have to vacate this place and move into a smaller unit and still have five more years before your own graduation.”

     “Perhaps not so long. Before being admitted at ten, the youngest applicant at the Vulcan Science Academy was twelve. After seven years, I knew as much as my teachers which is why I came here. I need only forty courses more before graduation, so may graduate sooner than others.”

     A tender kiss placed upon her mouth, he backed off and regarded her sadly. “If only you could have loved me the way I do you, our marriage could have been perfect.”

     Eyes lowered, Vera replied with a faint, quavering voice, “I am incapable of that emotion.”

     “You know what I think, Vera Hopton? I think you are, but the right man hasn’t entered your life.” He suddenly recalled the song he overheard the day he proposed marriage. “Or perhaps, you already love someone and can’t admit it.”

     He took her shoulders gently and turned her to look at him. “You know what else, baby? I think in the long run, you’re going to fall in love more than once, because there’s so much love bottled up inside you, wanting to express itself with all the wonderful things you’re capable of giving. Your love is such a beautiful, innocent, unselfish one, few men can accept it without turning it against you.” He took her hands and brought them to his chest. “All I ask, is you give that wonderful love of yours to a man who can love you back, deeply and unselfishly, for yourself, alone.”

     When she reclaimed her hands and rose to leave, he realized something else and held her back.

     “You loved that Vulcan, didn’t you? The baby’s father?”

     She turned to face Kirk. “Can any woman love a rapist?”

     He pulled her down beside him and took her chin in his fingers. “He didn’t rape you, not really. I did hear the words of your song that day, Vera. What I don’t understand is how you could love someone who’d desert you like that?”

     “You’re planning on deserting me. What’s the difference?”

     “The difference is, as you said before, I’m forced to by the Federation and, at least, you have knowledge beforehand.”

      “Maybe he was forced by the Federation, as well.”

      “You mean he’s in Starfleet, too? Come on, baby, there aren’t that many Vulcans in the Service, and if you don’t tell me who it is, it won’t be hard to find out. He owes you for this, can’t you see that?”

     “I won’t tell you his name, Jim, and if I ever hear of your trying to find him, I’ll…I’ll…I’ll kill you.”

     “You couldn’t kill anyone.”

     “I assure you I’m quite capable of that action…physically…and emotionally.”

    “And I say, you’re not. If you really don’t want me to find him, I won’t.” He sighed. “Oh, Vera, let’s don’t spend what time we have arguing like this. In a few days, to make the marriage termination grounds stick, I must move out.”

     “Yes, I know.”

     He kissed her, again, and held her face between his hands.

     “I’ve never met a woman like you, one who could be so logically controlled during the day and so loving at night. I guess not many men know the passionate woman hidden beneath the mask you wear, but it makes me very happy to have known that inner woman.”

     He kissed her once more, turning off the lights, as her arms encircled his neck.

 

     The week passed, and Jim knew Vera could see him among the newly graduated men and women assembling at the spaceport on the edge of the campus. Seven shuttlecrafts awaited and beside them seven groups of six graduates each. In the third group stood Kirk, wearing a newly issued gold tunic, absent of gold decoration except for the cluster insignia, different from the one worn by those in the six other groups. The starship to which he’d been assigned currently patrolled Quadrant 3, 200,000 light years from Earth.

     One of the last to enter his assigned shuttlecraft, James Kirk turned once more to look in the direction of Vera’s new, smaller apartment. Moments later, the shuttle lifted into the air and set off for the distant Starbase where his group would catch a launch or cruiser headed in the direction of Quadrant 3. From the port where he sat, Kirk watched until the Academy could no

longer be seen, not even as a single dot of light upon a blue Earth. Then he watched until the planet itself disappeared, knowing the only woman he’d loved remained on its surface.

     In his mind, he imagined the glow of first dawn filtering through opaque curtains and illuminating a lone figure, an alien, harp-like instrument held loosely against her full breasts, as slender fingers plucked the strings and a soft, velvety voice sang, sad but heartfelt words he’d heard often during the previous months, so often he knew them by heart.

 

>  
> 
> _Salcur, majuri ruji._
> 
> _Fror sprai oner_ _á mari._
> 
> _Mor kanush, krai teron,_
> 
> _En r’ljik pove;_
> 
> _Mon tremar, kal reton_
> 
> _Alab, me trimer_ _é._
> 
> _Por kal-fee en pretor_
> 
> _Pu ristu Kalsier._

     Ancient and as alien as the instrument accompanying the woman’s voice, the words spoke of the rites of passage into adulthood and the forgetting of faithful friends.

 

     “Jim, wake up,” called a voice as a hand shook his shoulder.

     Kirk opened his eyes and met the steely blue ones of the ship’s Chief Physician.

     “Second shift, already?” asked Kirk, now fully awake.

     “Yeah. According to Spock, you’re fifty minutes late. I think he was actually getting worried.”

     The younger man sat up, rubbing his forehead. “I was dreaming again. About Vera.”

     “Same one as before?”

     Kirk nodded.

     “Well, one of these days, they’ll stop. We’re not part of her life anymore, Jim. She’s got her own now. Even Spock is excluded.”

     “She’s changed a lot since those years at the Academy, Bones.”

     “Yeah, she has. She’s passed into true womanhood.” McCoy paused, drawing a befuddled look from Kirk, until the doctor said, “But then, you’ve changed a lot, too, Jim-boy.”

    

     Leaving the Captain to dress, McCoy walked the short distance to his own quarters and plopped down in the chair at his desk and personal computer. This computer, unlike the one in his Sick Bay office, contained private files from his years as the chief physician at the Starfleet Academy Medical Facility, ones encrypted and saved in a folder marked innocuously “Southern Comfort.”

     His password entered, he typed in a line of code to decrypt the folder he chose, marked, “Pralines”—his secret name for Vera Hopton. Selecting the file with the earliest date, he double-tapped the screen and the audio began: “ _Stardate—”_ He skipped over the first part, giving the date, time and who was making the report. Those were engraved indelibly in his mind.

 

 

> _Female Human, age approximately eighteen years, presented in EO with vaginal bleeding, multiple contusions about the head and face, deep bruises on neck, arms and thighs. Upon closer examination, discovered radial fractures of both wrists and left humerus and a fractured left mandible. Subject is semi-conscious and unable to contribute any information, even her name._

An addendum followed:

 

 

> _Patient’s name is Vera Hopton, discovered through DNA analysis, although her genetic profile is not Human but part Vulcan and part an unknown species. Blood type is compatible with Humans, however, being O positive. All physical signs point to aggressive rape, blunt force trauma to the face and other markers of physical abuse by a very strong individual or individuals. Treatment with saline IV augmented with trimorphedine and presynthisole for pain and edema shows favorable results. I’ve put her on a soft diet for the next three weeks to enable healing of the mandibular fracture and avoidance of carrying any object weighing over five pounds. Patient remains unresponsive to questioning by the nurses or myself. Will make another attempt tonight._

A second addendum came next, reporting his conversation with the victim:

 

 

> _Ms Hopton reports she was not raped. This she expresses each time I ask if she’s certain. Her memory appears intact, but my training as a psychologist tells me she’s holding back. If I’m able to get her to speak privately in a more isolated environment, I think we can make further progress. Something deeply disturbs her about admitting the truth._

     McCoy opened a second file in the subfolder, “Ingredients.” This contained his psychological sessions with the patient and the first time she confessed all.

 

 

>      “Tell me what happened to end you up in Emergency Ops, Vera?”
> 
>      “I was bleeding and sore.”
> 
>      “How long had this been going on?”
> 
>      “A day or so.”
> 
>      “Did someone attack you on campus or in your apartment?”
> 
>      “I wasn’t attacked.”
> 
>      “Vera, no one presents with injuries like yours without being attacked or being in some kind of serious accident.”
> 
>      “Then it must have been an accident.”
> 
>      “Do you have any memory of this…accident?”
> 
>      A pause followed, augmented with a single sniffle and the soft sound of facial tissue being rubbed across skin.
> 
>       “Would you answer either yes or no…for the record?”
> 
>       “Yes.”
> 
>      “Here, have some more tissues. Take all you want. I’ll put the box closer, where you can reach it.” The sound of the box sliding across his desk could be heard before he spoke next.
> 
>      “Now then,” McCoy heard himself say, “can we start at the beginning?”
> 
>      Another pause then another “yes” among more sniffs and nose blowing.
> 
>      “Take your time. It’s important you express things exactly as you remember, including your feelings, surroundings, sounds. This is the only way you can heal, Vera. It must come out, so you can confront these devils inside you.”
> 
>      “It was my fault.”
> 
>      “I doubt that. Now, start at the beginning.”
> 
>      “I heard a knock on my door and when I opened it, there he was.”
> 
>      “Who?”
> 
>      “The one who did this.”
> 
>      “Do you know his name; was he known to you.”
> 
>      “Yes, it was my foster cousin, Spock.”
> 
>      “I see. What happened then? How did he appear, his facial expressions, his attitude?”
> 
>      “He was agitated and pushed past me into the room, begging my help.”
> 
>      “You use a different name than the one you used on Vulcan. How did he find you?”
> 
>      “He saw me leaving class and followed me.”
> 
>      “Okay, good, now let’s go back to when he entered your apartment. What happened next?”
> 
>      “You know the term, _pon farr_ , Dr. McCoy?”
> 
>      “I do.”
> 
>      “He was in the initial stages and asked me to-to-to service him for the next week.”
> 
>      “How did that make you feel?”
> 
>      “Well, I understood what he meant. My foster mother and I had discussed this and how some male Vulcans could be very sexually aggressive during that time. But she assured me, many were not, such as my foster father, who merely wanted sex more often.”
> 
>      “That’s what you expected, then, yes?”
> 
>      “Yes, and from our long acquaintance I trusted him, admired and respected him. I even loved him, romantically, knowing we weren’t actually related. So, I consented.”
> 
>      “But he acted differently than what you expected?”
> 
>      “At first…that first time, he kissed me and said such lovely things, but then…then, he got…rough.”
> 
>      “It became uncomfortable?”
> 
>      “Yes, and painful.”
> 
>      “Did you tell him?”
> 
>      “Yes, but he said, I was Vulcan raised so should put up with it.”
> 
>      “How did that make you feel?”
> 
>      “Hurt, sad.” Another sniff and the sound of tissue rubbing followed by the honking sound of her blowing her nose.
> 
>      “And later, in the succeeding days?”
> 
>      “He became more forceful, less…loving and would often slam me against a wall or press me onto the floor and take me there after ripping off my uniform. The only time he allowed me out of the apartment was for classes, but as soon as I returned, I knew what awaited me. Then came the day, he left me so bruised on the face and had back-handed me for refusing his advances that I could no longer hide the damage with makeup and couldn’t leave my unit.”
> 
>      “Which further subjected you to his…what would you call it then? Rage?”
> 
>      “Yes, rage. So, to subdue this rage, I submitted without quarrel or resistance.”
> 
>      “Did his actions change?”
> 
>      “No.”
> 
>      “How long did this last?”
> 
>      “A little over a week, until…”
> 
>      “Until…?”
> 
>      “I awoke one morning on the floor and found him gone.”
> 
>      “Did he leave a note or give any indication he would leave?”
> 
>      “No.”
> 
>      “How did that make you feel?”
> 
>      “Angry.”
> 
>      “Is that all?”
> 
>      “No, I felt betrayed, too.”
> 
>      “What happened to your feelings for him; those that existed before this all happened?”
> 
>      “I felt pure hatred. I never wanted to see or hear from him, again. What trust or loyalty I bore him had vanished, and the love I felt for him died that first night.”
> 
>      “Do you still feel his actions were your fault?”
> 
>      “After saying all this to you and examining my feelings, no, I don’t.”
> 
>      “The medications I prescribed… Have you been taking them?”
> 
>      “Yes, religiously, but I’m still very emotional.”
> 
>      “Considering your condition, that’s understandable. I think that’s all for now, unless you feel the need to talk before our next session.”
> 
>       “This has helped, but there are things I’ve told you…”
> 
>       “Don’t worry. We have complete patient/doctor confidentiality.”

 

     McCoy closed that file and opened the next patient report when Vera reported to the EO a little more than a month later:

 

 

>      _Patient Vera Hopton, female aged eighteen, reported to EO complaining of general malaise and slight nausea in the afternoons. Upon complete physical and blood work, including a sonogram and pelvic exam, softening of the cervix was observed and the diagnosis of pregnancy confirmed. Patient has received the usual contraceptive injection all new, female cadets are given upon admittance to the Academy but, without a hundred-percent efficiency, this accounts for her condition. I have presented her with what options are available, and she rejects abortion and has agreed to adoption immediately following birth._
> 
>       _All signs of her earlier trauma have resolved, and the various fractures are healing well. Our therapy sessions continue._

 

   The folder closed out, Leonard McCoy leaned back in his chair, not needing to hear the other files. About the time Vera learned of her pregnancy, a cadet named James Kirk, offered to marry her. This impending marriage became the topic of several of their following sessions: the advisability of the undertaking and her expectations from such a relationship. Satisfied the cadet’s motives were unselfish and Vera had based her agreement upon logic, he reduced her twice weekly therapy session to once every two weeks, and after a few more months, during which they discussed the marriage and her mental state, he ended them completely. A year later, he joined Starfleet and because of his background in general medicine, as well as psychology, he earned a position as Chief Medical Officer on the new starship _Enterprise._ But by then, he and Vera Hopton had grown to trust each other, and she often shared details of her life, no other knew of, and continued to do so throughout the years leading to this one. Never would McCoy tell Jim who fathered that stillborn baby. That information could only come from Vera, and neither she nor McCoy would ever do so because that would forever end Jim’s friendship with Spock.

     Leonard McCoy stared at the screen showing the various medical files he’d saved from his tenure on Earth. Other notes contained secrets only he knew, secrets which he’d kept from Vera, secrets which would be revealed only when the time was right, and when those secrets came to light, he hoped wouldn’t end their precious friendship. For now, however, it was enough knowing Spock wasn’t the same man now as then, neither was Jim. Neither was Vera the innocent and trusting young woman who attended Starfleet Academy. In their own way, each had survived their rite of passage into adulthood, and only the future would determine the paths they chose assisted by their knowledge of the past.

 

 

(Continued in “A Time of Secrets and Deception”)


End file.
